Pausing to make sure that what I’m about to say doesn’t qualify as one of “The Three C’s” could be one of the most valuable lessons Milly taught me. I have a dear friend by the name of Milly. She’s 88 years old and still a hottie. She dresses to the nines, has her hair done regularly, and carries herself with style. Milly has the kind of presence people do not forget. She manages to be elegant without seeming the least bit fragile. That combination is part of what makes her advice so memorable.

She lost her third husband several years ago after a long illness. They’d been married for 54 years. In just about any other society on Earth, Milly would be the village elder, the one all the women would go to for advice. I know there are dozens of women who call her on a regular basis so she can help them with life problems. She listens, and she answers. That kind of steady wisdom is rare, and people seem to know it when they find it. She has become a kind of anchor for a lot of people.

It seems Milly has an answer for everything, and one of my favorites is something she calls “The Three C’s – don’t criticize, don’t condemn, don’t complain.” A lot of the time when we are angry at and resentful toward someone, our first response is to give them a good shot of The Three C’s. Especially with the people we love most, restraint disappears fast. That is when the tongue gets loose. The temptation is to say exactly what we feel, exactly how we feel it. But that rarely improves anything

Knowing about The Three C’s and remembering them in those moments when you just want to let them have it is probably the greatest relationship advice that Milly has in her tool kit. Before I open my mouth, I ask myself if anything I am about to say qualifies as one of The Three C’s. Thankfully, if it does, what I’m saying in my head is not what comes out of my mouth, and that makes for a happier me, a happier them, and a happier us. That little pause can change the whole tone of a conversation.